How Do You Really Know?
by scrivania
Summary: One Shot. Newt's perspective, and he has a serious question on his mind... how do you really know if you're gay? if you dont like slash, dont read it! rated for a bit of language etc.


**A/N: okay this is my first story in SOOOO ridiculously long. but i was looking at a few cory in the house fics and i thought it needed a more...mature... story, as there were none. there were a couple attempts, but the ppl were too young to write them too well. **

**im not saying this is excellent, cuz i wrote it in an hour, but it was an idea and i had to get it out to see what everyone thought. btw this is newt's perspective. if you dont like slash, dont read. **

_**How do you really know?** _

_How do you really know? _

_I tell myself it's just a casual touch, a brush of the hands...but he seems to be doing that a lot. Maybe that's just his personality, but I freaking hope not. _

Jakie might be new to Washington Prep, he might not be. He might be a grade older, maybe a year younger. But what I do know is when the first time I saw him, I did a double take. He saw me at the same time. He did a crooked little half smile and ambled over, his black hair covering half his face.

"hey. I'm Jakie," he half whispered so I'd have to lean in and listen.

My God, he was perfect. The name Jakie seemed a little..._gay_ to me, but I wouldn't hold it against him. He was pale, had glittering black eyes, and the way his tight jeans fit him...damn. It was like an epiphany to me. This boy was gorgeous.

"I'm Newt" I managed to say back.

"I know. I've seen you around." He did that crooked smile again. "I gotta go, but I'll see you soon, ok?"

"Uh.. ok. Bye."

And I was hooked. Who the hell was this guy, and why was I so curious about his lip ring? About the chipped black nail polish? Why haven't I seen him before? And WHY THE HELL DO I CARE? It was an internal struggle...I mean...I can't be...come on, I've dated girls before. So I must be straight. That's enough for me.

Convincing myself that would've worked too, except he kept showing up _everywhere. _I went to the grocery store, and there he was out in the back alleyway, smoking. Maybe I shouldn't have joined him when he called me over, but it's like a force I couldn't resist.

"Want one?" He said, offering me a bog.

"I don't smoke," I said.

"Bogies, or weed either?"

"Umm well I've never tried..."

Damn it, that crooked smile. He nodded, "A virgin then."

"Hey, what? I never said that-"

"Chill man, I meant in illegal substances. Though I don't doubt the literal meaning either."

I mumbled a feeble response like, "That's what you know." It wasn't very believable.

The truth is, I've never gotten very far with a girl before.

He touched my arm briefly. "Yo, we're young. You have plenty of time to experience new things."

I had no idea what he was implying. It could be drugs...girls..._him_... no idea.

I became acutely aware of the dark alleyway we were standing in, and the small space between us. No one was around and this was so different than anything I've ever done. It certainly wasn't like hanging out with Meena and Cory. With them, who I was was already decided, and all I had to do was play my role as a clueless dork and life continued smoothly.

"Actually my mom wants me home soon. I really can't stay long." I quickly said. He knew I was lying, but didn't say anything.

"Catch you later."

"Yeah..." I turned, hoping to see him grin at me, but not this time.

I walked away feeling like a coward.

What I need is a girl. Or to be laid or something. Because this is ridiculous, the obsession with some guy with a stupid name like Jakie. I've seen him quite a few times now, around school, in the bathroom, at the grocery store again. (I told myself not to go back, but I did. To see if he was there, which he was. Fuck it.)

Yeah. A girl would solve everything. I was sitting on my bed in my room when I heard a knock.

"Come in!" I called out.

It was Meena. "Hey!" I said grinning widely, trying to act normal.

"Hey. I just came by to ask what's up. You've been...quieter lately. Me and Cory have noticed."

I shook my head. "I'm fine! I'm tired just coz' I've been staying up doing some power jam sessions!" I exclaimed making an air guitar motion.

She laughed, "Same old Newt!"

She gave me a hug, and she pulled away, inches from my face. "You SURE that's the reason though?"

I don't know why. But I kissed her when her face was so close to mine. Maybe I did it was to prove that Jakie had no effect on me, maybe not.

But we were lying on my bed now, and still kissing passionately. My mind was whirring. Why was she letting me do this? Should I be doing this? Should I get on top of her? Isn't it supposed to be a little more fun than this?

Meena pulled apart slowly with a smile tugging on her lips. "Newt, what are we doing?" she asked softly.

_Good fucking question_. I stood up quickly, kind of shoving her aside.

"What the HELL am I DOING?!?!" I said running my hands through my hair. "I didn't mean to Meena, I mean... just pretend this never happened."

"WHAT?! You kiss me and then you act revolted by me?"

It wasn't Meena. It was me. Actually, it was JAKIE. I hated the boy. But I wanted him. And I knew I needed to get to the alleyway behind the grocery store.

I was halfway out of the room when Meena asked, "Newt, where the hell are you going?"

As far as I was concerned, I could deal with her later. I finally found the answer to my initial question.

_How do you really know? How do you really know if you're gay? _

_God, I still don't, but I want him. _

I got to the dingy alleyway, almost pitch black because it was evening, as opposed to the afternoon, and there he was. Like he was waiting for me all along.

"Hey buddy," he said with that sexy smile.

It was now or never.

I kissed him. He didn't seem too surprised, and was more than happy to take the lead. I tried not to think about how many guys like me Jakie had seduced with nothing but a smile and a tight shirt, but right now I didn't care. It felt too good, too right.

I pulled apart breathless.

"I thought you would never come to your senses." He whispered, stroking me cheek softly.

"It took me a while. But I'm not going anywhere tonight."

And he cupped my face and kissed me again.

_So how DO you really know? _

**A/N: cute little one shot, thought i might have a couple ideas up my sleeve for a two-shot. but nothing more cuz then it will be a decent piece of writing drawn out until its not good anymore. ive seen it happen too too many times. **

review please!!!


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